Fuelling daydreams.

Fuelling daydreams.
feeling: reflective
music: bonnie mckee - somebody

What do you fall back on when you lose track of direction and purpose? Me, I think back, and I reminisce.

I thought of the things I love and once loved. Things that got me up and going. Little things that made me thankful to be alive.

The elation when I sailed through the interview for Hospitality Management. Three life-altering years with the close-knit community that I still miss, damn, those dreaded Saffron culinary and service training days included.

And then I thought of how badly I thought I wanted to write. How I'd carefully mapped out how I was going to get to where I wanted to be.

And then I took a look in the mirror at the person I am right now. Here I am, on the four-year road to achieving what I'd always wanted and perhaps more. But what is it I want? How blurry my ideals are.

I miss the drive I had.

It's funny how things which didn't seem of importance; things which I didn't give a hoot about, are now of such value in my memory. Or could it be I'm just grasping on to anything that dangles and is within reach because I am desperate to make sense of it all?

YH said to me, "You don't want to make a career out of something you enjoy doing. You want to make a career out of enjoyment."

It's true. I think life's been too kind. If I were a starving woman in Africa, this intrinsic battle would be the last thing on my mind.