Forgotten Secrets
Late last night, a bout of creative inspiration so strong hit me, I had to forsake the idea of snuggling into bed and instead let it all out in an old diary. (I'd earlier read in FEMALE about nurturing our inner artist, so coincidence or not, I leave it to you.) I initially had the urge to write something praising love, but I got the air (and creativity) punched out of me when I flipped the book open.
Turns out that the old diary contained entries written at my lowest last year and I can't quite put into words the octave of emotions that hit me when I read through them. I was transported through a time portal back to 2004 where I saw myself bawling on the phone on the way home... crying myself to sleep... what vivid memories. What hit me harder is how I almost felt as if traces of the pain still remained, and how hard it is to actually forgive and forget, as much as I love him. But that doesn't mean I am going to stop trying to fight the grudges that remain in me.
A dear friend once taught me a lesson about "emotional baggage". That word had struck a chord, and I have even used it while preaching to Jane recently. So much has changed since November last year - friendships, relationships. One lesson I have definitely learnt is that of opportunity cost. You can't have your cake and eat it.
The above entry was entirely from the heart.
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