The night of rain and stars.

The night of rain and stars.

I’d randomly surfed websites and watched news flashes the past few days, but just an hour ago,
I finally sat down with the newspapers for uninterrupted reading.

Besides the breaking news on the front page, human-interest stories and survivor tales made up a significant portion of the day’s news coverage. What stood out most to me was a story of a maintenance staff at the Taj Hotel who shielded a family he was trying to evacuate when they came face to face with a gunman.

I sobbed a little as I contemplated what I’d read. It’s almost unimaginable. The city I had only recently lamented to be too humid and chaotic to be comfortable, now in utter devastation.

There were several other snippets of people who helped usher survivors to safety, of people who put the lives of others above their own. I’ve been too jaded by youngsters who pretend to sleep on trains to avoid giving up their seats, and this was a reminder that humans are not necessarily all bad.

As ungracious and intolerable we can be, the stories have shown me just how unselfish and chivalrous the human race is. In the face of such adversity, it is humanity that truly shines.

I’m not sure how I would react if I ever faced such a situation though. In all honesty, my first priority would probably be to gather my traveling partner(s) to safety. I really don’t know if I have it in me to ever be one of these heroes who rush into burning buildings or plunge back into tsunamis.

It makes me feel incredibly small, and how I’ve been spending my time incredibly frivolous.

It could have been us.

It could have been us.

If you don’t know already, Mumbai was hit by terrorists earlier this week. I just heard from Erwin that Leopold Café, which we frequented while we were there in April, was hit by gunmen. I remember laughing at his paranoia when we were there, and it feels absolutely unreal reading the updates on BBC.

It could have been us. When we were in Mumbai, we were discussing how Leopold Café would have been a likely target for a terrorist attack due to the sheer number of Westerners who hang out there, and it’s painfully surreal to realize that the café was really in the plan.

And the Singaporean lawyer who was held hostage was killed just a few hours ago.

We often tempt fate, complacently thinking that we could never be that unlucky. As much as successes in life come from being at the right place at the right time, apparently so do deaths.

First Ahmedabad, and now Mumbai. Timing saved our lives.

In light of recent events, is there any one place that’s truly safe? But how does one draw the line between complacency and reclusion? We can’t just stop living, despite the pain and fear. Life goes on, and we’ll be damned if it doesn’t.

Upon a falling star.

Upon a falling star.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve does not equate to my life being an open book.

It was the end of a whirlwind fairytale, and though bittersweet, the timely parting crystallized the surreal beauty of what we shared. Logic couldn’t fully cushion the sense of loss however, and as much as I hate admitting it, sometimes I do need rescuing.

So E and I sat by the waters sipping bottled potion. Fuelled by alcohol and/or relief, I was at my giggly best. As the late night slipped into early dawn, I could not help thinking that it felt a lot like that very night in Palolem. That itself was an oddly comforting sort of closure.

And as if by nature’s magic, the cloudy skies parted when we finally made our way back to the car to reveal the twinkling stars.

Me: Look up, stars!
E: Woah.

With our heads turned to the sky, we contemplated an Indian sight I don’t think we realized we missed till then, and were promptly stumped by an enormous shooting star blazing across the sky.

Me: Oh my god!
E: Oh my god!
Both: Make a wish, make a wish!
-silence-
E: Eh, wish what?!?!

It doesn’t quite matter what we each wished for. I made a wish upon a falling star on a wintry Indian night in January, and it came true. Seeing the shooting star again was to me a secret conspiracy between the universe and I.

On an entirely separate note, the exams are finally over! I met Jane for a tête-à-tête right after my paper, and though it was awesome to have one of my best friends back for the holidays, I was almost falling facedown into my salad due to the accumulated sleep debt.

Seven hours last night barely made a dent in my debt, and judging from the rest of the girls on our JB day-trip today, I wasn’t alone. Despite the many instances where we monopolized benches and just about every other sitting surface, it was a great trip best left to the pictures (Thanks Jinli!).








:)

So, where next?

picture from thescarlette.livejournal.com

Rhapsody.

Rhapsody.

You can say it was a spur of the moment decision. I saw the sale prices, we spoke about it, and the next thing I knew, my bitch was whipping out her credit card and booking the tickets. The sheer irony of it all is that the trip isn’t for next week or next month for that matter… it’s for July 2009.

Hahaha. I wonder how Hong Kong and Taiwan would react to having two crazy women on their shores?

Grey.

Grey.

I had several depressing Grey’s Anatomy type inspirations as I tried to come up with a title for this post. I could imagine Meredith holding her heart in her hand, watching it in morbid fascination as her chest bled out. I could probably draw a dozen parallels to the drama right now, actually.

Like how D's haunting I with his presence, and M’s mother before death.

I can’t seem to make sense of the prancing thoughts monopolizing my head. I am just very thankful for the girlfriends who have offered to get me drunk, and the several “my person”s I am blessed with.

Are you as disturbed as I am by the sheer dark and twisty-ness of this entry?

What a difference a day makes.

What a difference a day makes.

In a span of 8 hours, I found out that I got both internship offers, and won myself a free night's stay in a luxury resort in Bintan for some photo contest I'd long forgotten about.

Didn't feel like it when I woke up this morning, but I guess it was my day aye?

My best friend wants to be a man.

My best friend wants to be a man.



Mich: if sex operations are so successful, then i might as well go change sex too
Mich: hahah. YEAH RIGHT.
Me: WTH. u did not just say that
Mich: haha i'm a closet butch.
Mich: can anyhow f*** around, without giving a heck whether the other party gets pregnant.
Me: i don't think you're a closet butch.
Me: i think you're a closet bastard.

ROFL! I love my bitch, even if she's kinda disturbing sometimes...

Just another rainy day.

Just another rainy day.





For the umpteenth time, I am waiting for the rains to ease before heading out. This time for a hawker lunch with Jinli and a session with our books. We're so exchanging coffee for margaritas the minute our exams are over mi amiga!

Some days.

Some days.

Some days, neither sleep nor chocolate can lift the cloud.
Today, all I want is to snuggle up with my best friend over a jug of happy hour margaritas.

Blurred reality and fitful sleep.

Blurred reality and fitful sleep.

My sinuses start acting up whenever I sleep under the aircon, and sleep inevitably comes in fitful spurts. B was also kept up by the fajitas we he made for dinner, which were doing a Mexican dance in his stomach. I ended up dreaming of him being sick, and waking up to a boyfriend in pain. Too weird.

Even in my dreams.

Even in my dreams.



Last night, I dreamt that I was in Bali with Ceci. I was making my way up to the veranda of our Ubud hotel when it started raining. In the warped way dreams work, we ended up in a nearby bar, gulping down cocktails served up by one of my poly lecturers. Really vague, really ambiguous, but I remember that we were happy because we were safe from the bombings.

I’d be lying if I said the news of the impending execution of the Bali bombers and possible retaliations don’t worry me. But I am unwilling to forfeit my trip, for reasons surpassing monetary losses.

The island and its inexplicable hold on me.

Birdsong makes me think of tropical rainforests.

Birdsong makes me think of tropical rainforests.

The wonderful thing about life is that it never always sucks. Some days, the dark clouds hanging overhead make you want to snuggle up and hide in bed all day. Some days however, you are so bright and cheery that even the dark clouds outside can’t put a damper on your mood.

Today’s one of those days. Despite the clear blue evening skies, rumbling thunder and pouring rains have the neighborhood birds flying helter-skelter. But I’m still chipper.

I heard birdsong in the trees as I walked the shaded pathway towards the train station this morning, and it made me think of waking up in a cabin in a rainforest. I think that brief but pretty daydream set the tone for my day, as did my lunch rendezvous with B.

And now, the rains have eased in time for me to leave for tonight’s Madagascar 2 premiere. That’s the perk when one of your best friends works in the cinema industry, heh.

La vie est bonne. ;)

Love, and other disasters.

Love, and other disasters.

B was right in the middle of a gunfight on his last night in Cambodia. The details are all kinda hazy, but what's important is that all of them are fine and back unharmed.

It’s inexplicable, but apart from incredulity, I didn't feel anything else when he told me the news. I did shorten my unproductive coffee/revision session to spend a few hours with him last night, but it was really because I missed him and not because of a gripping urge to hold him and reassure myself he's alive.

I’m typically a bit of a worrywart, and this lack of reaction has got me thinking.

When my first serious boyfriend enlisted in the army, I kept watch over my mobile phone every night, waiting for that one call before lights out. A 15-minute delay would have my overactive imagination conjuring up the worst accidents in my head, and I remember how his mom and i would speak on the phone about how worried we were. Life went on, but there was that subtle bit of trepidation that I lived with.

We all give a part of ourselves to a relationship, and we inevitably lose that piece of ourselves when it dies. My first love and I really gave it our all and when it fell apart, I felt like I lost myself, not just a part of me.

A vital part of my healing process was getting to know myself all over again. Many of you may have experienced it – having been one-half of a couple for years, it was unnerving to have to stand alone again. Still, hurt is an elemental part of life, and all I could do was suck it up and live. I traveled, suck solace in yoga and good friends, and did almost zero dating. Oddly, I think the pain gave me the courage to do things I normally wouldn’t have done, like pack up and go to India. The experiences changed me, and I like myself a lot better these days.

Even though I’m often unsure of my cultural footing when I’m with B, I feel somewhat more stable and able to have and maintain a relationship. I don’t obsess about his safety, and there’s an innate trust that he would know what to do and how to take care of himself. The absence of this obsession frees me from a lot of the trepidation I lived in when I was younger, but don’t the bizarre and underlying rules of love dictate that obsession be a part of passionate love?

Did I lose my ability for all-consuming love when my first relationship died? Was that the vital piece that its death took from me? In the movie Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Angelica the bartender told Rosalee that when great love is rejected, one packs it up and waits for a second greater love. (Memory’s a little fuzzy but the key point’s in there.) But of course you love a little less than you did your great love.

Or could it be that living through the pain taught me that no one is truly indispensable, and that when I am truly whole, there is nothing anybody can take away from me? Or could it simply be that this self-assuredness I have with B is a sign of two proper dating adults?

Some questions are better left unanswered. Life awaits. ;)

Deadlines and boys in pinafores.

Deadlines and boys in pinafores.

Yesterday marked the last of my internship interviews, but as part of the suitability test, I had to churn out a short restaurant review and submit it at 9 a.m. today. I haven't been checking out new nosh places since returning from my travels, preferring to stick to old favourites like Cedele and good old prata joints. Those aren’t places the magazine would want to feature, so I was in a bit of a fix trying to find one I could head to for dinner without busting my budget.

Thankfully Jem was a good sport about altering our Ice Cold Beer plans, so we headed down to Kinara at Holland Village where I’d already visited for Daph’s birthday lunch on Monday. I think I churned out a pretty passable piece on time, so I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed until the editor reverts.

We didn’t compromise our beers though, and we sat and talked the night away at this Spanish tapas bar right across Wala-Wala. Bumped into an ex-colleague from Sentosa, which was a nice surprise, as was Ceci's impromptu decision to join us.

It was Halloween, so we had the random witch and devil strolling past our alfresco table, along with way too many boys dressed in pinafores. Was there a cross-dress theme party somewhere I don’t know of?

All the drinking and word crunching left me pooped, and I only managed to crawl out of bed at noon today. Took a lot of willpower to force myself to get on my yoga mat. My hamstrings have been extra tight since I started running, and I think Sunday’s 10km run pretty much knotted the rest of my leg muscles. All the yoga poses have been a pain, but my ego just wouldn’t let me accept the fact that I am not as flexible as I used to be under Sunil’s tutelage.

I haven’t seen any vast improvements since my first session on Tuesday morning, but I’m hopeful that the grueling mat work would pay off. All the stretching, though a torture, effectively unknots the muscles in my shoulders and back, so no complaints. No thanks to me being a slave to my Macbook.

Off to the showers, and out for an afternoon cuppa with Shaun. Been a long while since we caught up!