The big question.

The big question.

picture from here

Blogging sometimes leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. Writing is a form of catharsis, but I have a personal policy against airing dirty laundry on the world wide web. On the other hand, writing only about happy things has given some the impression that I live a charmed life of sorts. I don't, by the way.

Food seems to offer a neutral ground, but I don't want to just talk about the things I put in my mouth, even if a big chunk of my life revolves around that of late. The terms of my contract have also got me grappling with what I should or should not reveal as a huge portion of the things I see and do these days ultimately channel towards my work. I am starting to wonder if lickthyspoon is that good an idea after all, but that's a question for another day.

The big question therefore is - what do I write about? I'm done writing about my innermost feelings in the hopes that my words find an encho in the emotions of others. The act often leaves me feeling a bit too vulnerable for my liking, and I like my privacy a little too much these days.  Feelings, I have decided, are a very personal thing meant to be shared only with select people, not anybody who can find your page via Google.

And to be honest - baring your soul to the computer can sometimes make people think they know you when they don't, agree?

Perhaps what I need is this, in a supersize can.

picture from here

My current food hero.

My current food hero.

picture from here

That's Pim Techamuanvivit, a food blogger turned author with her new-ish book The Foodie Handbook. I'd been tempted to pick up the book each time I chanced upon it in stores, but I never quite got around to doing it until I popped by the library last Sunday. What that says about my cheapo streak I shall not ponder, but it is quite the amazing read!

Don't get me started on Sudi Piggott's How To Be A Better Foodie, which had me throwing my hands up in defeat after chapter 3 (I got too tired of having to google her many exotic terms). Pim's book is personable and relatable, with enough elaborations to spare my fingers from Google exhaustion. And I admit that the fact that she's an Asian holding her own in the Western world of food talk has got me rooting for her. 

Her paragraphs on dining in French restaurants remind me of my food-centric Parisian summer and while I go "oh I've tried that!" at parts, I am most often filled with admiration at her ability to confidently stroll into a snooty establishment and charm the sommelier.

I once said that I was never as aware of my own ethnicity as I was in France, where I stood out like a sore thumb just for being Asian. Perhaps it was my youth, coupled with a student budget and a lack of fluency in the language, but I never quite felt comfortable dining in the city's many classy restaurants, even when I had a Frenchman by my side. It is really quite difficult to fully appreciate a meal when you feel like a zebra in a room of gazelles.

To be fair to myself, I was just beginning to discover my foodie side at that time and hardly well-versed in the art of food like Pim is. And I was poor. Well, apart from creating an itch to bake a perfect fruit tart, her book has kindled in me a spark of hope that I would one day be able to walk confidently into a high and mighty Parisian restaurant and feel like I've got every right to be there. Not too sure about charming the sommelier though.

Check back here in three years for my progress. And perhaps I would have gotten around to giving Sudi Piggott another try sometime between then and now.

Juggling.

Juggling.

The dreaded FYP report may be over and done with, but I'm swimming in a pool of work and back-to-back deadlines... enough to make me wish for a a quick idyllic beach getaway. Nope, juggling work and school is not easy and I am thankful that I never had to subject myself to pursuing a part-time degree while holding a full-time job.

I think I'll handle my time a lot better when school's finally out for good! Countdown: 35 days. Whoopeedoo.

The most reliable source.

The most reliable source.

                                                                                                                              image from here

In between oodles of work, I've been scouring food blogs and magazines to add on to my list of Aussie must-eats. Who would have known that posting my silly mistake of asking Google Maps how to get to Blanco Restaurant (that's in Sydney) from my Melbourne hotel on my Facebook status would result in recommendations from old friends who were living, or have lived, Down Under?

I'm looking forward to catching up and having them take me to the nooks and crannies of the city. I think I deserve to be super, super excited now that our FYP's report printed and submitted! All I wish for now is for a load more cash, and five stomachs.

Epicurean musings.

Epicurean musings.

Hello Saturday. :) The rainy day's got me feeling lazier than I already am, but I'm really excited about two things so that's sprung me out of bed at a respectable 10 a.m.

#1: I signed away my gut and freedom yesterday evening with a big smile. That officially puts a damper on my grand plans to really bum around before joining the corporate zombie but well, writing is a tad more artistic than corporate isn't it? And I get to wear jeans and flats everyday.

So now that I've taken the first step to my brilliant (I hope!) career, it's back to the basics of building my food knowledge. Food is universal and while many of you may not have made food writing your livelihood, I am quite certain you all have an opinion about what you eat, what's good and what's not. I have mine as well and I have over the past few days been preparing an avenue for my epicurean musings. Which leads me to the second thing.

#2: http://www.lickthyspoon.blogspot.com
Not another food blog, you must be thinking. Well, I hope not! Yes, some entries will inevitably be about where to eat (though I will try not to do one-off reviews but instead group them into sort of mood foods), and then there will be recipes of the food my guests have eaten and lived through. Now this is rare gold for I am not one of the most talented people in the kitchen, so the tried-and-tested recipes are basically idiot proof. Lastly (I'm really excited this part), there will be food musings that I can't quite categorize. It can be about my fumbled learning about wines, my thoughts on Food Inc. and fast food crap, or something interesting I learned. And this is where you come in.

I find it a little disconcerting sometimes when people make references to my blog because I didn't know they read it. Lurking's not a bad thing (I do that all the time) but I do have a tiny request for Lick Thy Spoon. Click on the "Follow" tab on its sidebar, even if I don't know you personally. I'm not aiming to build a community of 100 people here, I just want to know if the food blog is a worthwhile venture. Most of all, it's not just about living vicariously through my gut. I will probably sound like an idiot sometimes and I honestly think you can teach me something. Correct me, share your experiences or yes, even call me a fool.

So click on there, and let me know what you think about it. Happy weekend. :)

In between chaos.

In between chaos.

Hello world. It's been a while hasn't it? One moment I was dreaming up grand plans to spend a lazy Wednesday afternoon reading; the next I was fervently hammering on the keyboard while my mind whirled with a list of people I had to hound. That's almost done thankfully, so I'm taking a moment to luxuriate in the fact that I no longer feel the urge to check my email every three minutes.

And I gotta say that I don't fancy how emails seem to lose their way in cyberspace from their sender's mailbox to my Yahoo account? Perhaps it is time I took up D's suggestion to switch to Gmail.

Anyway, I have a tendency of getting so wrapped up in my writing that I just want to hole myself up at home and type away, so much so that I wished for a moment that I didn't have to go to Lawry's with the ladies who lunch yesterday. It's pathetic I know, but thank goodness that folly lasted only a second.

Lunch was waaaay better than my last visit to the old Paragon establishment; and it is certainly comforting that it's one-for-one with a DBS credit card. ;)

Off I go to terrorise the last lady. Bless her soul.

Nosh news.

Nosh news.

I'm starting a little project - kinda excited about it. Watch this space!

Why friendships are priceless.

Why friendships are priceless.

picture from here

Cristina: [to Lexie] You can't have feelings for Alex Karev. Emotionally he's like Meredith, three years ago.
Meredith: I said that!

Cristina: [to Lexie]: You are not a no feelings type of girl. Your heart lives in your vagina.

Meredith: I said that too!

Reminds me of us, bitch!

Project Wine Session #1.

Project Wine Session #1.

The inaugural project wine session was quite the success! Good wine(s), good food (I hope!) and excellent company as always. Not only did I pick up several tips from resident wine expert K, I also had my second breakthrough by detecting the pear in the bouquet of our first wine. Some improvement here at least.

It was also the first in a long time that I've cooked for a dinner party, and successfully at that. I suppose I've internalized enough from all the culinary programmes I've been watching to semi-bury the memory of a very dismal pad thai that my guests had to smother in belachan several new year eves ago.

On the menu:

Inspired by an episode of Take Home Chef. This was served with Quartz Reef Pinot Gris 2008, a wine that on hindsight would have worked better with a spicy Asian salad.

Having to roast the garlic and tomatoes may be more cumbersome than a basic pesto recipe, but it is absolutely worth the effort. Recipe from here.

My proudest culinary achievement to date - perfecting the sabayon on my second try and accidentally-yummy vanilla custard on my first. Thank you Anna Olson, for making it look so easy on Fresh. Recipe from here. The dessert was served with Pegasus Bay FINALE Noble Chardonnay 2004, an extremely sweet wine with an extremely strong nose of brussel sprouts or as DX says, sauerkraut. How odd is that! It worked fine in the sabayon recipe though.

I'm gonna freeze some of that pesto the next time I get around to making it, and I think the sabayon's going to be my dessert of choice for entertaining at home. Quite a night huh? :)

Project Wine.

Project Wine.

                                                                                           picture from inmagine

  

Writing is by comparison a small part of food writing. The greater and undoubtedly more important part is food knowledge, without which a brilliantly written article can only be superficial and mediocre.

Everybody knows how to eat and select foods to please temperamental palates, but the art of eating is another thing altogether. It is not enough to enjoy a dish and subsequently hammer out a 300-word review where more words are dedicated to the chef and decor than the food. It is equally, or if not more so, important to know the produce, the tools and the techniques the cook has harnessed to create that particular dish. Only then can the review be a fair critique.

And this is exactly where I'm lacking. While I grew up in a family where food is celebrated and the dining table never empty, it wasn't till my summer in France in 2008 that I truly embraced it. I have certainly learnt a lot more during and subsequently after my food writing internship last year, but what I know now is just the tip of a giant iceberg of food facts. It can be daunting but the challenge is exactly what drives my passion - knowing that there's still so much more to know, taste and learn out there that would aid me in becoming a better food writer, it will be a long time before I stagnate.

Wine is possibly my greatest pitfall in my quest to become a bona fide foodie. At a recent beer workshop, I was surprised that I could detect the different tasting notes the brewer mentioned. I have never been able to detect ANYTHING (apart from fermented grapes) in wines. That has thankfully been changing slowly but gradually - I detected my first undertone of apricots in a glass of Pinot Gris at dinner last Monday.

And while I'm guessing it'll be some time before wine will be my tipple of choice especially when in direct competition with beer or mojitos; training and educating my palate doesn't have to be a chore. In comes the perks of having foodie friends who are always up for a meal. Come Thursday, I'll be hosting the girls for our first Project Wine session where I'll cook dinner (chance to brush up on kitchen knowledge) and we'll taste a bottle or two of wines with tasting notes from P's wine book.

I'm thinking mushroom crostinis, roasted garlic pesto pasta with grilled shrimp, and a chilled sabayon I saw on Anna Olson's Fresh just this morning...

Bright colors grow weary from years of neglect.

Bright colors grow weary from years of neglect.

The somewhat slow-moving break culminated in a weekend jam-packed with lots of writing and brainstorming. After sitting on our behinds for a good part of the break (despite having a morning presentation first thing Monday and a one-pager outline to hand up), my International Public Relations team sprang into action so efficiently we nailed both in under two days. I'm a huge fan of efficiency - why would you want to work hard if you can work smart? - and I've been riding on the high of our turbo-charged turnaround progress these two days.

It felt like polytechnic all over again.

I'll be honest here. The project work groups I've been in throughout my university education rarely (though not never) possess the group chemistry I have been spoilt with during my poly days, and I have indeed missed working with like-minded people. So this, you see, is quite a treat and a breath of fresh air especially after the year-long drag of FYP (which does not even classify as project due to its sheer scale and resultant complexities).

On an entirely different note, I managed to see quite a bit on Saturday evening, under the pretext of food research.

 

Two late nights, a morning presentation, two meetings and a tennis game later, I'm officially pooped. I'm gonna snuggle and go on a quick armchair vacation with Simon Majumdar before caving in to sleep. Good night world. It's been quite the day. Ooof.

Warning: Don't read this when hungry.

Warning: Don't read this when hungry.

I've been out and about quite a bit this week. Ironical really, as I'd expected to be stuck at home churning out articles and project essays, but I'm not complaining. I finally got around to checking out four foodie joints I've been meaning to for awhile now, so I'll let the pictures do the talking. 

P.s. I've developed a crazy obsession with this Polaroid application, so please bear with me for awhile.

Hungry yet? :)

Friendly exchange.

Friendly exchange.

I'm thinking we should do a girly swop party before setting up stall at our next flea market. Friends gets first dips. :)

Mixed tape medley.

Mixed tape medley.

 

Last Friday, a friend passed me a CD of songs with instructions to hole myself in my room and listen from track 1 to 20. I attempted to do just that on Sunday night, but distraction came in the form of writing and the music was soon relegated to become the haunting background for my idea generation. 

Yesterday, I finally settled into the couch to pay my full attention to the songs, some of which were already consistent favorites on my playlist. I listened, and I suppose on some subconscious level, I internalized for when Ingrid Michaelson's A Bird's Song snuck up unexpectedly on my own playlist in the late night, I bawled like a baby.

"When I would play my song
You used to sing along.
I always seem to forget
How fragile are the very strong.
 
I’m sorry I can’t steal you
I’m sorry I can’t stay
So I put band-aids on your knees
And watch you fly away.

I’m sending you away tonight
I’ll put you on a bird’s strong wing
I’m saving you the best way I know how
I hope again one day to hear you sing."


The song struck a chord when my brother first got hospitalized, but I had listened to it countless times since with nary a tear. Last night however, the lyrics took on a life of their own and twisted their lyrical limbs around my heart. The pain shot through the armor of indifference I've settled into and for the first time, I felt the loss.

To all my friends to have smiled and laughed with me in the past weeks, thank you for moving me along and for allowing me to forget. To wooka, thank you for knowing and understanding, even when I didn't, the need for emotional catharsis.

It's vintage, darling!

It's vintage, darling!

 

  

  

Whatever you do, do it in good company. Good friends, good food and making enough money from clearing out my junk to pay for my Kitaro concert ticket and with some leftover for my Aussie travel fund. I think I had quite the fabulous weekend!

Happenstance - A long time coming.

Happenstance - A long time coming.

I thought of becoming a writer seven years ago, but my road towards getting my foot in the publishing door has been quite the arduous journey. My early attempts saw me sending out countless internship resumes, many of which went unanswered; spending a summer lugging fashion bags around town for an unpaid internship; and at times squeezing myself dry over freelance pieces that went unpublished. I felt like a true writer only on the rare occasion - most times I just felt like one of the wannabe-actresses in Hollywood waitressing while waiting for their big break.

Seven years and several hard knocks later, I finally get it.

Today, in the very same Starbucks where I got my first freelance assignment three years ago,  the editor whom I had previously passed up the chance to train under offered me a position as a food and travel writer.

I have never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be able to secure a food (not to mention travel!) writing position, and on top of that write for an audience I can relate to. Anybody who knows just how passionate I am about food and just how much I love traveling would know how much this opportunity means to me. It's been a long time coming, but the wait has made it so much sweeter and the rewards so much greater. I. Am. So. Bloody. Stoked!

Snapshot Saturday.

Snapshot Saturday.

 

  

  

  

  

  

It was a Saturday well spent in good company, thigh smacking laughs and great food; and the first of several weekends I actually had time to enjoy a beautiful Saturday evening without having to worry about rushing off to some other place.

It was my first stand-up comedy experience (Seinfield aside) and Jonathan Atherton's localized humor was ideal for spending an afternoon over Brewerkz beer. Later on, I finally got around to checking out Wild Honey over at the Mandarin Gallery as well. The food was fresh and wholesome, and the restaurant had me indulging in one of my "Ahhh I'd love to own something like that" moments.

It was nice, this free and easy Saturday. The coming one spells lou hei and shabu shabu with the princess and the bear, and the long-awaited Sunday flea where I'm hoping to make some money out of my trash. One man's junk is another man's treasure. Heard that?

Life lesson #1.

Life lesson #1:

Surround yourself only with good friends and great company.





















I've done a bit of spring cleaning in my personal life, keeping my close ones closer and those I deem bad energy further. I've always been non-confrontational, but that's slowly changing. As my girlfriend K would say: "Give it to them man!" So no more silent fuming for me for I have begun to make my displeasure known.

I've been blessed with the bestest of friends who have stood by me through this difficult period with their unique brand of humor and junk food, and for that I am truly blessed.

It's been an awesome Chinese New Year in light of all that's happened, including three back-to-back karaoke/gyrating sessions with good friends. I don't remember ktv being this fun, and I plan to do it all over again once I get my voice back!

Happy Lunar New Year everybody!

Coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms.

An air of lethargy has settled over the family. A million things and a thousand loose ends demand our attention, but we can't seem to get down to settling anything concrete.

There's neither bawling nor weeping. In fact, there haven't been any tears except for the occasional damp eye in the wee hours of the morning when the house is dark and quiet. My brother never lived with us, except for a short while after his first surgery; but I see him everywhere in my mind's eye.

On the couch with that hideous orange Hawaiian shirt and thick nerdy glasses; by the window grilling the pineapples for Mother's Day; intentionally shoveling chips into his mouth as I workout on the eliptical...

I'm not sure I can face reality.

Death and other lessons in life.

Death and other lessons in life.

The thing about losing a loved one is that it takes you completely by surprise, even if you've had the past six months to prepare yourself for it.

A part of me went, "I knew it!" when the phone call came in on Thursday morning, telling us that my brother's condition had taken a turn for the worse. The other part went cold when my mother went on to tell us that he was braindead. I can't say I hadn't expected this, not when he hasn't woken up from his coma in three months. I can't say I expected it either, for he had made it through so many major surgeries and was just about to be transferred into a nursing home.

Time passed by in a blur at the hospital, where family and friends debated the accuracy of the prognosis. It was difficult to get our heads around the fact that he was brain dead. The man on the bed looked like he was asleep as he had been the past three months; he couldn't be brain dead. "The doctor said he is," was my only reply for science offered the most logical evidence. However, his pressure remained lowish but constant and I left the hospital late that first night asking myself the very same question.

His pressure fell to the 50s and miraculously rose back up to the 60s within hours on Friday, and we started to think that he could make it through the new year. My heart stopped jumping into my throat each time the phone rang when I was away from the ward, and life seemed almost normal again on Saturday morning. "I don't think it'll be within these two days at least," my mom said coolly as we sat on the couch at home, neither of us in a hurry to go to the hospital.

And then, the phone rang again. It was the hospital, telling us that his pressure had fallen to 64 and that his breathing was becoming increasingly shallow. "I've been scared too many times by them. It was in the 50s yesterday afternoon but it rose didn't it. I'm not gonna let them scare me," my mom said. So the parents enjoyed a leisure breakfast before heading down, while I waited at home for my aunt to return from her errands and for my sister to wake up. The call came barely 30 minutes later. "He can't make it, you can come down now."

And that was it. My brother's gone.

A part of me is still in denial. My final year project's marketing stunt kept me occupied for most of the weekend, while my best friends rallied around me to fill the empty gaps. I've succumbed only to short cries mostly in the privacy of home and loved ones, and the endless streams of friends filled the funeral with more laughter than tears. In fact, the entire wake right down to his cremation felt entirely surreal.

I can't seem to come to terms yet that I've lost my only brother and this impassiveness scares me.

Friendship |ˈfrendˌ sh ip|

Friendship |ˈfrendˌ sh ip|

I don't think I'm a good friend. Unless I see or hear from you often enough for you to become a habit, chances are you won't hear from me. Once in a blue moon maybe, but almost never just to check "how you've been doing" or to catch up over a cup of coffee. I like to think it's genetically engineered, this inertia to just be instead of go out of my way to maintain friendships.

Yet, I have been blessed with many steadfast friendships in spite of my laissez-faire attitude. However, I must admit that it is in recent trying times that I've fully appreciated how loyal these angels are, and how ever ready they are to pitch in, sometimes at the drop of a hat.

From registering me with the embassy when Vietnam was struck with typhoons and ferrying me and my stack of barang barang, to agreeing to waste a weekend sculpting balloons and staying back after class to help stick stars on media invite kits... I don't know what I did in my past life to deserve you all, but thank you and I love you all. You're the best friends anyone can ever hope to have. And you have all inspired me to keep up and be a better friend.

On hiatus.

On hiatus.

I'm not sure people read this page anymore, what with the hassle that comes with signing in with your special ID. It sounds a little VIP club-ish, but something has happened of late to compel me to protect the privacy of myself and loved ones, at least for a little while.

I'm working on making this blog public again. It feels weird to write to only seven readers, because I already speak with all of you on such a regular basis!

Today I am thankful for the simply joys...

Today I am thankful for the simply joys...


picture from here

of sharing a fried chicken dinner
of working hard at my laptop with cheerful bantering behind me
of friends and lovers
of laughter
of contentment.

New chow obsession.

New chow obsession.



We checked out Everything with Fries along Joo Chiat Road at Eileen's recommendation and promptly fell head over gut in love with the cheese burger. The patty was fresh, and the fries were hot, salty and absolutely delish.

The minimalistic concept extends from the decor to the menu, so don't go expecting to pick your heads out choosing what to eat. There are only 6 mains available, but the cheese burger is a good bet. Spend more time deciding on your choice of fries instead. Original (some sorta Cajun dressing actually), salt & vinegar, sour cream and onion, curry or garlic and herbs? All good.

Old town charms.

Old town charms.



Headed up to KL for a wedding over the weekend, but we weren't at all charmed by the tall buildings and glitzy malls of Malaysia's capital city. I'm sure KL has plenty of interesting nooks and crannies waiting to be discovered, but we had our sights (or stomachs) set on Malacca instead, where we stopped over for food both en route to KL and again on our way home.





It does not seem that Jonker Street has changed much since my last visit in 2005. While I'm no longer as susceptible to tourist trappings as I used to be, I still very much like the old town for its timeless appeal. After all the exorbitant Aussie trip planning, being able to get a bowl of Penang laksa at S$1.50 had me thinking, "I could spend a week here on a budget..." Fantasizing, really. I'm quite determined to visit down under this time around.

We lugged back dozens of festive goodies as well, some of which we'll pass on at tonight's shabu shabu. Tell me about it - my friends are crazy about Japanese hotpot. Or is it the wagyu?

Festivity exhaustion.

Festivity exhaustion.

What a long weekend of celebrations it's been! Barely rested from our packed Bangkok itinerary, we welcomed 2010 in the movie theatre (stroke of genius on my part, and a tradition I'd like to continue) and an impromptu prata supper. I had to cop out of beaching the next morning as I could crawl out of bed only in time for a quick coffee with Lyn followed by shabu-shabu and Monopoly with the gang.


I've never been a fan of hotpot but man this is good, especially with kurobuta and wagyu.

The monopoly and snacks lasted way past midnight too, and I almost couldn't crawl of bed again the next morning. But I'd rather be sleepy than a fool to miss the beach a second time especially during such temperamental weather, so I dragged my sorry head down for 2010's first suntan with Ran. The sunshine was gorgeous, but we did get our sarongs drenched by an overenthusiastic rolling wave. Nothing like a little sea water to start the year I say, along with a promise to run in 2011's Great Eastern when Ran's back for good. :)



No pictures of a beach still boarded up from the beach countdown, but look what greeted me on my walk home? Almost feels like winter.

And now, off for a quick date before Mom's birthday dinner. Oof.

New Year with Energizer bunnies.

New Year with Energizer bunnies.

Headed out in a bit to town to meet the gang to pick up food and head over to Lyn's for shabu-shabu. How can that couple be this perky despite the late night? Those Energizer bunnies...

Happy New Year everybody!

Looking back on 2009.

Looking back on 2009.


picture from weheartit

The thing about growing older (and no longer growing up) is that the years start to pass a little too quickly, and the passing of time starts to get a little too blurry. It is often with a little jolt that I answer a question about my age, for my memory often gets lodged at 19. Am I already 23 going on 24?

Yet while time hurtles by me, I find myself catching sight of the constants: the people who have found their footing beside me while I whirled through life, along with passions that have endured my fickle youth. Some comfort, some surprise, some are absent.

These are the elements I know I can turn to whenever life threatens to catapult me into craziness. The people who at times know me better than I know myself; the written word I fall back on ever so often to make sense of the world; the insatiable wanderlust. But with age I've come to realize, and accept, that nobody and nothing is really constant, except an accepting me to an ever-changing me. I used to think that the power of 'I' was a self-centered and selfish concept, but I have come to realize that it is actually the most enduring one.

Though it certainly hasn't been that great a year, 2009 has been anything but uneventful. I started the year in a happy bubble, having started an amazing writing internship and re-appreciating being around my family. In the past five months however, watching my brother's painful struggle for life and the sorrow of the people around him has been taxing to say the least, and more than enough impetus to coax me out of that blissful state. 2009 has at certain points been very trying, but it has also brought with it some long-awaited opportunities and lessons on life.

Here's what I learnt in 2009:

• Life and its many elements are transient. At the risk of sounding pseudo Zen-ish, I have learnt to significantly relinquish attachment and possession, and to treat loss with a "it is what it is meant to be" attitude. Some call it denial, but I prefer to term it "life goes on".
  
  
• Opportunities will arise, but it takes work, luck and often a keen eye to recognize and sieze them.
  
  
• Some feelings will possibly never cease. Bolting the doors is a conscious decision made by the mind and will, not a testing game of patience.
  
  
• I am no longer the baby girl and instead at times, now the acting head of the family. From being the protected one, I am now the protective one who at times has to play devil's advocate for the interests of my loved ones. It's a little easier now that my sis is in town, but it is a reality that I am starting to take on the responsibilities of my family's well-being.
  
  
• It is not always wise to wear my heart on my sleeve. Privacy, especially in the age of social media, is underrated.
  

And of course, 2009 has also reiterated several previous beliefs:

• Compartmentalization is key. The world doesn't stop spinning for anyone or anything. Grieving is best done in contained pockets. Life goes on, and it is still beautiful despite the smudges.
  
  
• Curiosity is vital for both professional and personal growth.
  
  
• Traveling and writing is the best way to get to an everchanging self I sometimes feel I cannot keep up with.
  

I've spent the past four years in university waiting impatiently for something, perhaps life, to happen. Now that I'm barely five months from graduation, a mix of anticipation and hesitation bubbles in my stomach. Can my passion be my livelihood? Which passion should I pursue? The wait is coming to an end and unlike the hopes and daydreams easily changeable with a flick of the mind, reality brings with it choices and possibly sacrifices.

Some I will make right now, when I am equal parts green and jaded; having seen enough to make conscious decisions yet not having seen much at all to still hunger for more. Others I hope I will make with greater wisdom and a stronger sense of self.

So Happy New Year in advance dear readers. May 2010 bring you lots of joy, laughter and the wisdom to enjoy it all.